Breadcrumbs [Home](/) > [An Expert Guide To Safe & Pleasurable Sex](/markdownify/node/4416) ![An Expert Guide To Safe & Pleasurable Sex](https://media.slman.com/rGjyJpDSPzVLR90k9QavE7SeK18=/800x0/smart/https%3A%2F%2Fslman.com%2Fsites%2Fslman%2Ffiles%2Farticles%2F2026%2F07%2Fsl-man-150726-email-safe-sex-2.jpg) ![An Expert Guide To Safe & Pleasurable Sex](https://media.slman.com/_ZO4C2JCzZ40z20dnOQpZpEo5Ec=/400x0/smart/https%3A%2F%2Fslman.com%2Fsites%2Fslman%2Ffiles%2Farticles%2F2026%2F07%2Fsl-man-150726-site-assets-safe-sex-hero-thumb_2.jpg) Image: Jess Craven/Stocksy United [Life](/life) / 15 July 2026 # An Expert Guide To Safe & Pleasurable Sex The best sex is safe sex that’s still pleasurable. We asked GP and Instagram advice-giver Dr Gareth Patterson and Dr Ben Davis – a GP and sex therapist specialising in men’s health – how to keep things safe and spicy in the bedroom… Image: Jess Craven/Stocksy United All products on this page have been selected by our editorial team, however we may make commission on some products. ## How would you define safe sex? “Safe sex – no matter your gender or your partner’s – is about reducing the risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) while still allowing for enjoyable and consensual experiences. For men who have sex with men specifically, this can include using condoms, taking PrEP where appropriate, regular testing (which is accessible and discreet these days now that walk-in services and home testing kits are available, and tests are less invasive than they used to be), and open communication with partners about sexual health.” – [*Dr Gareth Patterson*](https://www.instagram.com/theirishgp/?hl=en) ## What is PrEP? “PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis) is a medication taken by HIV-negative individuals to prevent HIV. When taken correctly (for anal sex you are protected for approximately two hours after your first double dose) it is highly effective at reducing the risk of HIV transmission. You can request PrEP from NHS sexual health clinics.” – Gareth ## What If I’m Finding Anal Sex Uncomfortable? “Understand and connect with your anus. Many of us don’t have a relaxed relationship with it – and the tighter your pelvic floor, the more painful anal sex is going to be. The more you can learn to relax it, the less friction there will be, and the more pleasurable it may well be. Almost everything below comes back to that one idea. Start with the basics: eating a diet high in fibre – beans, pulses, grains – so you avoid constipation and open your bowels easily without straining. From there, it’s about learning to connect to your pelvic floor muscles directly. Exploring the tone in your anus with your fingers is a good way to do this. Breath is another way, and arguably the most important: it signals to your body that things are safe, which is what allows the muscle to actually let go. None of this works on its own without a partner who’s in tune with your body and can penetrate you in a way which is pleasurable rather than painful. Communication matters as much as technique. And if pain or bleeding persists despite all of this, that’s not something to just live with – get it assessed by a doctor to rule out any medical conditions.” – [Dr Ben Davis](https://drben.uk/) ## What would you say to someone who thinks ‘safe’ sex will be less pleasurable? “It’s a common perception, but it’s a myth. Feeling safe and confident can actually enhance pleasure. There are now many options like thinner condoms and lubricants that improve sensation, and tools like PrEP mean people can protect themselves without compromising intimacy. ## How Do I Overcome Body Image Issues? “It’s incredibly common for gay men to have a critical voice about their body. That internal critic often develops as a kind of protection, staying alert to danger and judgement from others. But that fear-based critic tends to turn inward too, fixating on your own body and a fear of not being good enough or attractive enough. The critical eye of other gay men can make that feel even more inhibiting. Our bodies are amazing, though, and there’s a huge range in what different men find attractive. It’s also worth remembering that hook-up apps show a very two-dimensional version of us. What actually makes someone attractive is far more than the physical. Finding spaces where you feel validated and accepted separately from how your body looks can make a real difference. If you notice you’re spending a significant amount of time thinking about your body, monitoring or controlling your diet, or taking peptides or anabolic steroids, it’s worth asking whether this has tipped into body dysmorphia, and what impact it’s having on your life. There’s help available for this — and it can get you back to enjoying life, and being sexual, without that critical voice standing in the way.” – Ben ## What Could Be Causing Erection Problems Or Erectile Dysfunction? “There are a lot of different causes of erection problems. They can be the first warning sign of a heart attack happening a few years later, of diabetes or a testosterone problem, as well as being psychological or relational in nature. A basic health check is always the sensible first move to understand if your body is giving you a serious warning sign. But don’t assume a clean bill of health means there’s nothing to address. Psychological ED is extremely common. It’s often that men have had a bad experience, which sets up a fear response in the body. A strong internal critic can strengthen that fear response, but sometimes it’s about trying to have sex in situations which don’t work for you.” – Ben ## What products would you recommend for increasing sexual pleasure? **“**Lubricants are essential for comfort and pleasure, particularly silicone-based ones for longer-lasting use. High-quality condoms designed for sensitivity can enhance the experience (despite some people thinking otherwise). For some, sex toys such as prostate stimulators can increase pleasure, and there are lots of amazing options for men these days. Ultimately, what enhances pleasure is individual, so it’s about finding what works best for you.” ## Who Can I Speak To For Advice? Sexual health clinics are a great place for screening and testing, but not necessarily for psychological advice. Gareth offers digestible advice via his social media channels, which can be useful if you’re looking for quick or private information. Practising out of his central London clinic, Ben is a GP who is qualified specifically in the biology and treatment of sexual dysfunction, and a registered psychosexual and relationship therapist. In his own words, “I’m a gay man myself, and a large part of my practice is working with gay, bi and queer men to provide somewhere to talk about the pleasure side of things, not just the safety side.” Follow [@TheIrishGP](https://www.instagram.com/theirishgp/?hl=en) & visit [DrBen.uk](http://www.drben.uk/) --- ## SHOP THE SLMAN EDIT [ ![](https://media.slman.com/rx-qtdybKSuHIIr8l-qxRmrU8jI=/800x0/smart/https%3A%2F%2Fslman.com%2Fsites%2Fslman%2Ffiles%2Farticles%2F2026%2F07%2Fsitre-forever-smooth-silicone-sex-gel.png) ](https://www.awin1.com/cread.php?awinmid=119607&awinaffid=69421&platform=dl&ued=https%3A%2F%2Fsitrestore.com%2Fen-gb%2Fproducts%2Fsilicone-gel-long-lasting-lube%3Fvariant%3D42499912007833) ## Forever Smooth Silicone Sex Gel ### £40 | Sitre Housed in packaging that could pass for luxury skincare, Sitre’s gel is highly rated for its ability to last for as long as you need it to. It’s formulated with high-quality silicone to create a silky-soft surface. 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