Get Your Facts Right
Before you worry about what’s going on, get the facts right. “The average time it takes a guy to ejaculate from the start of penetration is around five-and-a-half minutes,” says Jess Wilde, sex expert for E4’s The Sex Clinic. “Premature ejaculation is when ejaculation occurs much faster than average. For some men, this can mean they ejaculate after less than a minute of penetration, or before any sexual contact at all. However, it’s important to remember that all men will experience premature ejaculation at some point in their lives. Just because it’s happened once, it won’t necessarily become a regular occurrence. And anyway, there are plenty of smart and sensible things you can do to help you last longer in bed.”
Start By Focusing On Foreplay
“One of the biggest mistakes guys make when it comes to premature ejaculation during sex is thinking that penetration is the most important part of sex,” Jess tells SLMan. “In reality, less than 25% of women can climax from penetration alone. That means, for most women, ‘sex’ is actually the least pleasurable part of ‘sex’, with the majority of women getting much more satisfaction from foreplay.” The simplest way to fix this issue is to spend more time on foreplay, bringing your partner to climax before penetration. “This way, when you begin penetration, the pressure is off when it comes to how long you last, and that in itself can help you last longer. The other mistake guys make is believing that sex ends when you’ve ejaculated. If you’ve come and your partner hasn’t, and still wants to continue, use your hands, mouth or a toy.”
Switch Things Up
Instead of picking one position and sticking with it, try alternating between a few different positions. “It may sound obvious, but positions which apply intense stimulation to the penis can exacerbate premature ejaculation, so these are best avoided,” says Jess. “These vary from person to person, but common positions to avoid are those which make the receiving partner feel tighter. Missionary is a good position to try for longer-lasting sex,” she says. Sex and relationship Psychotherapist Miranda Christophers also recommends experimenting with positions. “Some guys find it easier if they are in control and are able to slow down or withdraw, and a position such as spooning can be a good one to try to avoid deep penetration.”
Learn The Edging Technique
Delaying your orgasm while masturbating can be one of the most effective ways to train yourself to last longer. This is also known as edging, explains Miranda. “The stop-start method – aka edging – can be really helpful in terms of identifying your point of no return and allowing you to practise getting close to ejaculation but stopping when you get too close, removing all stimulation and then restarting when the urge to ejaculate has passed.” By incorporating this into self-pleasure, you can build up confidence as well as teach yourself a technique that can be used with your other half. “Over time, and with regular practice, you’ll begin to notice the time it takes from initial stimulation to ejaculation gets longer and longer, and you achieve better control over your orgasms,” adds Jess.
Keep Your Pelvic Floor In Shape
Experts say a stronger pelvic floor could lead to a better, more controlled orgasm. “The pelvic floor is active when you have an erection,” says Miranda. “Studies have found that strengthening the pelvic floor can help with sexual function while tightening the pelvic floor muscle during sexual activity may help delay ejaculation.” To start, you’ll need to locate the muscles within your pelvic floor. You can do this when you go to the loo, by contracting the muscles that you use to stop the flow of urine. Contract and relax these muscles for a few seconds at a time, with a few moments of rest in between each rep. “Doing these exercises when you go for a pee is an easy way to remember to do them. Try to stop your flow three or more times, for five seconds at a time,” says Jess.
Wear The Right Condom
“Condoms are a quick and easy way to delay ejaculation because they reduce sensitivity of the penis,” says Jess. Avoid condoms that are advertised as super-thin or barely-there, she says, as the thicker the condom, the more reduced the sensations will be. “Look for condoms described as extra safe, which tend to be thicker,” adds Miranda. “You can also look out for delay condoms, which contain a small amount of numbing agent in the tip, to help you last longer. Just make sure you put them on the right way round.”
Masturbate Before Sex
Climaxing an hour or two before penetration is a simple way to help delay ejaculation, says Jess. “Most guys find they can last longer the second time around, so getting the first one ‘out of the way’ can help with a longer partnered sex session. Additionally, masturbating prior to sex can help reduce performance anxiety, which is known to exacerbate premature ejaculation for a lot of men.” It could also be worth enlisting the help of a toy to delay orgasm. “Cock rings are a great tool to prolong sex,” Jess adds. “By applying pressure to the base of the penis, they can help delay ejaculation, as well as make your erection feel harder. Cock rings also tend to feature a clitoral stimulator, which can help speed up her orgasm, whilst slowing yours down, increasing your chances of climaxing together.”
Practise The Squeeze
If you can feel your orgasm coming on, stop and squeeze right below the head of your penis, Miranda advises. “The squeeze technique involves squeezing the area where the head meets the shaft when you feel you’re about to ejaculate. Squeeze for ten to 20 seconds and wait for 30 seconds before resuming stimulation. This works by closing the urethra, which carries the ejaculate from the body. If you can do this in the right place on the penis, with the right amount of pressure, at the right moment, you can absolutely delay ejaculation.”
Studies show that anxiety – particularly anxiety about your sexual performance – is linked to premature ejaculation. Feeling stressed or low can also make you more likely to finish quickly. “Although we often think of sex and orgasms as being inherently physical, much of what is going on is actually psychological,” says Jess. Mindfulness techniques can help you last longer. Breathing techniques such as 4-4 breathing (breathe in for a slow count of four, and out for a slow count of four, repeating several times) can be a great way to calm yourself just before or even during sex. “Anything that gets you into your body and out of your head is a good start,” adds Murray Blacket, psychotherapist and counsellor. “And remember that sex needn’t be all about performance. Men have a tendency to put themselves under pressure to do more, and do it better for longer. I talk to my clients about the three Ps: penises, performance and pressure. They do not make good bedfellows. Think about an alternative set of Ps: penises, partners and pleasure. Moving from performance and pressure to pleasure is a much more realistic, and healthier, alternative.”
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