Four Experts Share Their Tips For A Better Sex Life
Four Experts Share Their Tips For A Better Sex Life

Four Experts Share Their Tips For A Better Sex Life


Sex is not the taboo it once was, but we can still find ourselves secretly wondering how our own bedroom lives measure up. For some definitive answers, we went to four leading sex therapists to discover what they think is important for a healthy sex life, and their tips for deepening connections between the sheets…

An Orgasm Isn’t Everything

“One of the most common misconceptions is that good sex always involves an orgasm. It goes without saying we all want to reach climax when having sex, but the experience can still be enjoyable without orgasm. There’s also a big misconception that good sex – or just ‘sex’ in general – involves penetrative sex. There are many other forms of intimacy: touching, kissing, oral sex, using toys and even verbal (dirty talk or sexting) can be pleasurable forms of intimacy that shouldn’t be overlooked.” – Annabelle Knight, sex & relationship expert for Lovehoney

Good Sex Can Be Just As Sensual As Physical

“It’s common for people to measure their sex life based on how much sex they’re having, and how long it lasts. Instead, think quality over quantity. How well are you relating to your partner, and how emotionally vulnerable are you able to be? Of course, sex should be physically pleasurable for both parties, but it can be interesting to explore whether emotional as well as physical sensations are being felt. Good sex should bring a positive sense of connection and wellbeing. If you feel you’re struggling with your sex life, think about how you can improve your connection outside the bedroom rather than focusing on the sex itself. Is there a conversation you need to have? Are you having enough date nights and trying new things together? Sometimes, making simple changes to improve your emotional connection, emotional vulnerability and connection with your own body will naturally improve your sex life.” – Minnie Lane, dating & personal development coach 

Good Sex Is Impossible Without Foreplay…

“All sex should include foreplay. Engaging in foreplay – whether it’s kissing, touching or oral sex – can help to stimulate our erogenous zones, leading to more intense and often incredibly satisfying sexual experiences. Foreplay can also help you build a deeper emotional connection with your partner. It’s during foreplay we tend to be more expressive with what we like, where we want to be touched and what we want our partner to do. To enhance your foreplay, slow things down, letting the tension build. By teasing yourself or your partner, you can let yourself go and enjoy the moment. Focus on areas outside of the norm – our erogenous zones are those we find sensitive, such as the inner thigh, neck or chest. Have fun spending time in these areas to build sexual anticipation.” – Annabelle 

"Think about how you can improve your connection outside the bedroom rather than focusing on the sex itself."

…And It’s Your Sexual Currency

“Foreplay plays such an important part in sex but reframe how you see it. Foreplay should begin after your last sex session ends, and it doesn’t have to mean physically touching each other. Think of foreplay as your sexual currency, encompassing the erotically charged interactions you may have with your partner, such as flirting, making innuendos, sexting, or a passionate kiss. But the key with sexual currency is that there’s no pressure for it to lead to anywhere. This creates a constant sexual simmering, so when the opportunity to have sex comes along, you’re feeling into it.” – Hannah Witton, sex & relationships author & YouTuber

Communication Is Everything

“Communication is key to great sex. None of us are mind readers, and making assumptions about someone’s desires can be a mistake. Just because something worked last time doesn’t mean it’ll work this time. Small things can be navigated in the moment, with questions like, ‘Can we try X?’ or ‘Would you like to explore Y?’ Being vocal and letting your partner know what does work can be incredibly helpful. If there are bigger concerns – such as a change in libido or you’re feeling generally unfulfilled – consider having these conversations outside of the bedroom. Always try to avoid blame, and instead frame the chat as, ‘I would love to feel closer to you, can we talk about X and discuss a solution that works for us both?” – Mangala Holland, women’s empowerment & sexuality coach

Sometimes You Need To Schedule It

“A lot of people feel sex should arise from a spontaneous moment of lust, but it doesn’t always work that way. Don’t dismiss the idea of scheduling sex. It may sound unsexy, but having something to look forward to can be a turn on, and it’s a way of making sure intimacy happens.” – Mangala 

Trying New Things Doesn’t Need To Be Intimidating

“If you do what you’ve always done in the bedroom, you’ll get what you’ve always had. It’s fun to mix things up and experiment, as long as you keep a sense of humour and communicate as you go along. If something isn’t working, make sure you communicate that, so you don’t end up feeling frustrated. Start by having a conversation with your partner – sharing your fantasies can be a good place to start. There will be some fantasies that you have no intention of acting out, but even just talking about them can be exciting and invigorating. Experimenting with new techniques, positions and locations can freshen things up. Making love outdoors, or even in a different room, can be enlivening.” – Mangala 

"Sometimes being stuck in a rut can be the turning point in bringing you closer together."

Everyone Should Be Using Lubricant

“A good lubricant should be used by everyone during sex, not just those with vaginal dryness. A clitoral stimulation gel can also be worth a try. I recommend Foria’s Awaken Arousal Oil, which contains CBD extract to enhance sensation internally and externally. Be open to trying sex toys, too. They can be a helpful way for you to get to know what works for you, and to enhance your pleasure by increasing sensation. LELO has a large range of sleek designs, and its website has great advice about choosing the right toy for you.” – Mangala 

Stress Can Affect Your Enjoyment

“When we’re stressed, our libido naturally drops, and if we’re feeling anxious, we’re probably not thinking about sex. If we are having sex when feeling anxious, this can also manifest itself in performance anxiety which can, naturally, result in a less enjoyable time for both you and your partner. If you are struggling with stress, talk to your partner about your feelings. This will enable you to find a solution together and understand what you’re both needing in that moment.” – Annabelle

Worries Around Sex Are More Common Than You Think

“Although it may feel like it, not everyone is having sex all day, every day. If you are stuck in a rut, don’t give up, and don’t be afraid to get support – a trusted expert, like a sex therapist, will be able to give you shortcuts to help you overcome your blind spots, or help you create new habits. Sometimes, being stuck in a rut can be the turning point in bringing you closer together, helping you create more intimacy and pleasure than you ever thought possible. Take the pressure off the table and be willing to explore. Don’t blame your partner and look at working on this as a team – with fun and humour, which is what sex should be about, at the end of the day.” – Mangala 

For more from the experts, visit,, & follow @HannahWitton

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