How To Give Better Oral Sex
How To Give Better Oral Sex

How To Give Better Oral Sex


If you’re looking to brush up on your technique and help your partner find even more pleasure, you’ve come to the right place. We asked the experts for their tips on giving better head…

Giving To Her

Be Vocal

“Oral sex is one of the most intimate acts you can engage in. As such, it can be a source of anxiety, especially if you’re worried about your technique. Every woman is different and responds to different types of touch and stimulation, although there are some general rules to stick to if you’re aiming to please. Firstly, always ask her what she enjoys, and be aware of physical and verbal cues. This doesn’t have to throw off the mood, it can be as simple as asking, ‘Does that feel good?’ or noticing if her breathing quickens or if certain muscles tense up. If you’re keen to master the art of oral sex, it’s all about communication.” – Emilie Lavinia, sex expert

Start Slow

“As with sex, the build-up to oral sex is almost as important as the act itself. Don’t go straight in, instead kiss and touch the upper thighs, moving toward the clitoris. It’s important to start off slow, and once you get to the clitoris, don’t go in all guns blazing. Start with gentle, easy motions and stick to a consistent and circular motion. Switch between two or three different tongue techniques but don’t vary them too often. Try consistently using one motion before changing to another.” – Annabelle Knight, sex & relationships expert at Lovehoney

Make It Her Time

“Women often assume you’re only going down in order to get the same in return and that you’ll want to rush the experience. Reassure her that’s not the case. However much the experience is turning you on, and you might want to swap to other activities, keep the focus on her pleasure – otherwise she won’t believe you the next time. Make sure she’s comfortable, and get comfy yourself too. Seeing you do this will help reassure her that you mean what you say, that you’re not in a rush, and help her relax into the experience.” – Ruth Ramsay, adult sex educator & sex coach

Use A Blended Touch

“When using your mouth, use a blended touch to stimulate multiple erogenous zones on the body. For example, if you’re licking or kissing one area, use your fingers, breath and your body to apply pressure or gentle touch on other areas of her body. By stimulating nerve endings in different areas, you’re creating a network of pleasure signals that can affect the whole body, which will occupy her attention. Try to make use of your hands to brush against your partner’s skin, hold their hands, give their thighs, stomach and nipples special attention and switch up the areas your mouth and hands are focused on. If your partner is comfortable, you can also insert your fingers into their vagina and massage while you use your mouth on their vulva.” – Emilie

Consistency is key to achieving climax. Explore, play and stimulate different areas to find a rhythm and a pressure your partner responds to.

Play & Pause

“Building up sensation and arousal isn't instant. Teasing and exploring areas of the body such as the inner thighs can help to build up anticipation, which is the most natural aphrodisiac that we have. Teasing and taking your time is a great way to build up both desire. Switching between oral sex and using a toy can also layer up sensation and pleasure, and allow you to play with different intensities. If it's something that you both enjoy, then you can also use this to take your partner up to the point of orgasm – then slow down again. Known as ‘edging’, this maintains a high level of sexual arousal and intensity, and can prolong the time before orgasm, making it feel more intense when it's reached.” – Kate Moyle, LELO’s sex & relationship expert, & author of The Science of Sex

Maintain A Rhythm

“Consistency is key to achieving climax. Explore, play and stimulate different areas to find a rhythm and a pressure your partner responds to. When you’ve found the sweet spot, be consistent. Build with a continuous rhythm, and if your partner is encouraging you to change your tempo or pressure, follow their lead. If they’re not encouraging that, stay steady and consistent. If they tell you they’re close to orgasm, don’t change up what you’re doing, stick with it, you’re on the right track.” – Emilie

Get Creative

“The shape and angle of your tongue can have a different effect on the nerve endings around the vulva and clitoris. Many people assume that a rigid, pointed tongue moving up and down is the default oral sex technique because this is how you lick an ice cream. But you’re not scooping ice cream into your mouth here, you’re trying to give your partner pleasure. A flat, relaxed tongue gently moving up and down the whole length of the vulva actually feels much better because a greater surface area of the vulva is stimulated. Often, pinpointed touch on the vulva can feel too intense, especially at the start of an oral sex session. Moving the tongue side to side across the clitoris is also a winning move. Imagine how someone with a clitoris might touch themselves, rubbing from side to side is a very common way for women to masturbate, so emulate this with your tongue and slowly build pressure from gentle to firmer as you go.” – Emilie

Think About Different Sensations

“Oral sex means anything related to the mouth, so licking isn’t the only move you should rely on. Suction can be a wonderful sensation. You only need to think about the popularity of suction vibrators to figure this one out. Gently sucking the labia minora and clitoris, keeping the pressure consistent, can be an amazing way to elevate your oral sex game and can feel incredible when paired with massage and fingering. Ask your partner if they’re comfortable with the sensation. If they’re enjoying it, create a vacuum with your mouth and switch between sucking and using your tongue and fingers.” – Emilie

Be Patient

“If your intention is to bring her to orgasm, when you are ready to do so, keep the stimulation steady. For most women, this will be on or around the head of the clitoris. It can be fun to tease and to mix up strokes while you are warming her up – and don’t rush that part. But on the path to orgasm, most women need a period of steady, unchanging stimulation, sometimes for several minutes or more. If she indicates what you are doing feels great and to keep doing it – that’s exactly what she means. Men often seem to interpret this as a request to go faster or harder. You may think what you are doing is boring, but she needs consistency to climb the sensation ladder to climax.” – Ruth

Giving To Him

Be Open

“Communication is key. As with all parts of our sex lives, we can't be mind readers. If your partner is doing something which isn't feeling as good as it used to, use positive language and be specific about what you want to be different. None of us will respond well to feeling that we are being criticised or that we aren't doing a good enough job. Being vague isn't helpful as your partner has to try and work out in the moment what you mean, which can create frustration if you feel that you're not getting what you want. Be clear and encouraging and, if the roles are reversed, you can encourage them to do the same.” – Kate

Purse Your Lips

“Purse your lips as if you’re about to say the word ‘purple’. This means you’re covering your teeth and creating perfect suction. Using a soft tongue is also important. Your tongue is one of the key components of a blow job. Keep it soft and loose when moving your mouth up and down, using the tip to trace the head of the penis and the frenulum, which are the most sensitive areas.” – Annabelle

Think About Your Tongue

“The shape of your tongue matters when giving oral sex. A soft, flat tongue covers much more surface area and feels amazing. Use a flat, relaxed tongue to trace the length of the shaft, paying special attention to the frenulum – the webbed piece of skin that joins the shaft to the testicles. Long soft licks will get your partner in the mood and set the tone.” – Emilie

Use Your Hands

“Getting your hands involved will create additional sensation. Soft strokes and kisses with your mouth feel even better when contrasted with a slight grip at the base of the shaft. Using your hands is also a useful way for you to guide your mouth onto the shaft and control the depth – by holding the shaft with one or two hands you can stimulate the whole penis while only the head is in your mouth. This can be much more comfortable for you while still pleasing your partner. You might also want to try stroking the shaft with your hands while you focus on the tip with your mouth, or gently moving your hands around it in opposite directions in a pepper grinder motion. Just be mindful not to squeeze too hard, unless your partner asks you to.” – Emilie

Listen to his breathing and moans in order to gauge when he’s enjoying something, and when he’s not

Don’t Forget Lube

“The more moisture is involved in oral sex, the better it will feel. If you’re not into loads of saliva, have a dry mouth or are conscious of mess, use lube to elevate the sensation for your partner. A blow job with the addition of lube feels amazing and makes it much easier to play with sensation and pace without tiring yourself out or irritating your partner’s skin.” – Emilie

Stimulate The Whole Area

“The balls are often neglected, but they hold a lot of nerve endings and are super sensitive, meaning having them touched, stroked or even just held during oral sex can feel great. If you feel comfortable, trace the length of them with a flat tongue, move up the shaft and then come back down. Massage them gently with your hands and, if it feels good for your partner, you can use your hands to massage their perineum too. Softly sucking and licking the balls, shaft, perineum and glans while using your hands to massage is a recipe for success.” – Emilie

Read Body Language

“Listen to his breathing and moans in order to gauge when he’s enjoying something, and when he’s not. Experiment with different techniques, such as using your tongue to alternate between licking, flicking and sucking; see if their body language changes so you can grasp exactly what they are enjoying the most. Don’t be afraid to ask him what he likes, too. Giving oral sex is such an intimate act that can help to bring you closer together, showing your partner that you care about them and that you are willing to explore each other in a way that can be both pleasurable and intimate.” – Melissa 

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