9 Things To Know About Your Sex Drive

9 Things To Know About Your Sex Drive


Not in the mood? You’re not alone. Research shows a low sex drive is surprisingly common, with everything from stress to exercise playing into the equation. SLMan rounded up a group of experts for some words of advice. From changing your approach to desire to why it could be worth taking a supplement, here’s what they had to say…

Your Libido May Be Under Pressure

“Sex science tells us that long-term monogamous relationships bring with them the most challenges for maintaining desire. Among the many reasons for this is the dilution of our roles as sexual partners by the prevalence of other less sexy roles like being housemates or co-parents. Many of us currently find ourselves facing a sudden increase in the amount of childcare in our day, or adjusting tonew at-home roles as work colleagues. These changes are necessary and temporary, but risk squeezing out any time we might have to relate to each other as sexual partners.” – Karen Gurney, Harley Street psychosexologist


Think About Stress

“For a large proportion of people, sex couldn’t be further from their minds right now, and this fits with findings from sex research. Stress and anxiety are known to reduce our sexual desire; a pre-occupation with the news, our finances, the health of our loved ones or how much is in our cupboards can understandably slow the wheels of our sex life to a standstill. For the good of your relationship in the coming months, consider whether you know how each of you relates to sex in times of stress and make this knowledge explicit. Do you know how each other’s desire is affected by stress? What if one of you sees a rise and the other a fall in the next few months? How can you manage this discrepancy? Sex science tells us that it’s not wanting a different amount of sex than our partner, but not being able to talk about it which delivers the knockout punch to our relationships.” – Karen


Reconnect With Your Other Half

“If you’re struggling to get in the mood, try to increase the moments of your day when you relate to your other half as a sexual partner – I call this ‘sexual currency’. Sexual currency can be defined as anything that’s not ‘sex’ but you would only do with a partner. It might be a lingering kiss rather than a peck on the cheek or a suggestive glance. Sexual currency not only marks out and reminds you both of your role as sexual partners, but can also be a natural stepping stone to more sexual ground, should you wish it to be. Also think about how you’re spending time together. Instead of an evening watching Netflix, try cooking together or playing a game. Research tells us that couples who engage in exciting or fun activities together report higher levels of desire.” – Karen


Consider Taking A Supplement

“Foods that are aphrodisiacs usually work because of their shape, smell, texture or nutrient content. Supplements can really help when it comes to the male sex drive. Certain nutrients play a part in male fertility: zinc helps with sperm production; vitamin B6 helps with hormone production. Foods that contain good amounts of these nutrients can work as aphrodisiacs. Look for a supplement that contains these two ingredients as well as ingredients such as selenium, ashwagandha, arginine and Co Q10.” – Shona Wilkinson, nutritionist


Approach Lust In A Different Way

“It’s only once there are sexual stimuli that desire will make an appearance. You need to have that desire triggered, but the problem is we’ve been socialised to believe that lust will come out of the blue, so many people sit and wait for a feeling that – rather frustratingly – never appears. Schedule a regular time each day to hang out in bed in your underwear and talk, kiss like you did when you got together, or give each other a massage. It doesn’t have to be a huge chunk of time, and you must make a pact it doesn’t have to lead anywhere. Desire often follows – not precedes – this kind of circumstance and you might be surprised by the results.” – Karen


Don’t Discard Romance

“If you think your low libido is simply down to being in a rut with sex, romance is a good place to start. Take the time to plan something special with your partner. Book a night at a hotel or have a bath together – doing things outside your normal routine can have a really positive impact. Good communication is key; have a conversation with your partner about their sexual fantasies or what they may like to try in the bedroom.” – Luke Pratsides, lead GP at Numan


Your Lifestyle Matters

“In recent years, studies have shown physical fatigue resulting from excessive physical activity can contribute to a low libido. Certain compulsive exercise and dietary restrictions associated with being physically fit can also cause low sexual desire. Likewise, the regular consumption and use of alcohol, tobacco, marijuana and cocaine can all take their toll. In some specific cases, alcohol can be beneficial to sexual desire, especially in low quantities and when consumption is occasional – because, in these cases, it can help us lose our inhibitions and reduce our anxiety levels. However, when alcohol is consumed regularly and in large quantities, it ends up affecting our sexual health, specifically affecting the mechanisms that control erections and ejaculation.” – Patricia Lopez, founder of male sex toy company MYHIXEL


Break The Routine

“A man’s idea of sexuality is a very visual one. New stimuli will increase your desire. If you feel sex has become routine in your relationship, consider trying new places to get intimate with your partner, or introducing new visual elements such as a new outfit for her. Sex toys can also help.” – Patricia


Don’t Be Afraid To Speak Up

“It’s important to speak openly with your partner about a lack of desire. Don’t just go through the motions sexually – this will only waste time and take you away from finding a solution. Try to show your partner that it’s an issue you want to deal with, without attributing blame or responsibility. If your low libido has been bothering you for over a month, don’t be afraid to seek help. Industry experts like Kate Moyle and Silva Neves will be able to provide the support you need. Just don’t be afraid to ask for it.” – Patricia

Mind The Gap by Karen Gurney is available now.
For more information on MYHIXEL, head to MyHixel.com.
Visit Numan.com for online prescriptions and male health advice.
*Features published by SLMan are not intended to treat, diagnose, cure or prevent any disease. Always seek the advice of your GP or another qualified healthcare provider for any questions you have regarding a medical condition, and before undertaking any diet, exercise or other health-related programme.

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