Approach It With Confidence

Bringing up the idea of using a toy can feel daunting, but confidence is key. Don’t ask, “Would you be okay with this?” Frame it as an exciting opportunity and something you can explore together. A positive, open attitude makes the conversation feel natural rather than awkward. Marie Morice, clinical sexologist, agrees. “In my work, I see how sex toys can be a gateway to deeper pleasure – for both men and women. They invite fresh sensation, new forms of stimulation, and often more honest communication. For couples, especially those in long-term relationships, toys can reinvigorate desire and bring playfulness back into sex.”

Keep Communication Open

Toys should be a way to enhance pleasure, not create pressure. “The best way to introduce a toy is to make it part of a conversation about what feels good,” says Samantha Marshall, head of brand and sex educator at Smile Makers. “Try asking, ‘How does this feel?’ or ‘Do you want me to change the speed?’ This ensures both partners stay engaged and comfortable.” Marie adds that one of the biggest concerns, particularly from men, is the fear of being replaced or feeling inadequate. “But toys aren’t competition; they’re co-pilots. They amplify pleasure rather than signal a problem. For women, there's sometimes shame or a worry about being ‘too much’ if they express specific desires. I often tell clients: introducing toys shows emotional maturity and sexual confidence.”

Start Simple

If you’re new to toys, don’t overcomplicate things. “A small clitoral stimulator or a vibrating cock ring can be a great starting point,” says Samantha. “These options are easy to use, non-intimidating, and can be seamlessly integrated into foreplay or sex.” Marie suggests first-timers prioritise body-safe materials (like medical-grade silicone), simplicity, and ease of cleaning. “You don’t need a high-tech gadget to get started – something small and unintimidating often works best.”

Remember They Are Enhancements Not Replacements

One common misconception is that vibrators replace partners, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. “A toy is there to complement your experience, not take away from it,” says Samantha. “If your partner suggests using one, see it as an opportunity to explore pleasure together.” Marie reinforces this with a key fact: “95% of women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. Focusing sexual exploration around the clitoris – whether with toys or not – leads to more satisfying experiences for women and can also take the pressure off men to ‘perform’.”

Choose The Right Toy For You

Forget the term ‘couples’ vibrator’ – any toy can be used together. Clitoral vibrators, palm-sized stimulators, and even gentle anal plugs can heighten pleasure for both partners. “The key is finding something that excites you both,” says Samantha. For shared experiences, Marie suggests vibrating rings, bullet vibes and wearable toys that enhance sensation for both partners. “Toys aren’t just for ‘using on’ each other – they’re tools you use with each other, in shared pleasure.”

Don’t Overthink It

Keep things light-hearted. “People put too much pressure on getting it right,” says Samantha. “It’s okay to laugh if things don’t go as planned.” Marie agrees: “Pleasure is a journey, not a performance. Expecting instant fireworks can create unnecessary pressure. Instead, take your time, experiment, and focus on what feels good.”

Explore Different Types of Pleasure

Toys can allow couples to step outside of what is typically considered sex – penetration and orgasm – and focus on pleasure in a broader sense. “Pleasure can be so much more than what we see on TV,” says April Maria, sex educator at Hot Octopuss. “Have you always wanted to be teased, rubbed all over with something hot or cold, or have your nipples stimulated? There’s a toy for that.” For full-body exploration, Samantha recommends Smile Makers’ The French Lover tongue vibrator. “Rather than focusing on just genital stimulation, it’s designed for all-over body exploration.”

Use The Right Accessories

Don’t forget lube. “Using lubricant on your partner will decrease any friction and increase sensations,” says Samantha. “It makes everything smoother, more comfortable, and ultimately more enjoyable.” According to Marie, skipping lube is one of the biggest mistakes people make. “It’s a game-changer for both comfort and sensation. Water-based options work well for silicone toys, while hybrid or silicone-based lubes are great for external play.”

Try Before You Buy

Shopping for a toy can feel overwhelming, but visiting a store together can make the process easier. “It’s a great way to ask questions, see products up close, and find something you’re both excited about,” says April. If shopping in person isn’t an option, browsing online together can also be fun. “Make the pleasure investment together. Exploring all the fun options and functionalities can be a bonding session,” suggests Samantha.

Experiment With Different Ways To Play

There’s no one way to use a toy – so get creative. “As long as there’s consent, there’s no wrong way to bring a vibrator into the mix,” says Samantha. “Some may call it foreplay, but really this can be all that you do during sex – it’s playtime, after all.” Marie suggests starting the conversation outside of the bedroom: “Don’t wait until you’re mid-session – bring it up casually, maybe over dinner or during a relaxed moment. Keep it playful and curiosity driven, not corrective. The goal is mutual excitement, not pressure.” At the end of the day, toys aren’t just about adding variety – they’re about connection, communication and confidence. When used with an open mind, they can enhance intimacy in ways that go far beyond the bedroom.

Visit SmileMakersCollection.com, HotOctopuss.com & follow @MarieMorice_Sexologist