Could A Sex Toy Improve Your Relationship?

Could A Sex Toy Improve Your Relationship?


Online searches for sex toys have soared 72% since the start of lockdown. The latest tech and some cool new brands are making today’s offerings more desirable than ever. SLMan caught up with Julia Margo, co-founder of the Hot Octopuss store, to find out why and how you should introduce sex toys in the bedroom…

So, Julia, presumably you reckon sex toys really can improve your sex life?
“Absolutely. Sex toys offer so many different experiences and there’s something for everyone. Some toys are super high-tech and designed to give you sensations and orgasms like you’ve never had before. Some can be used solo; some with a partner. Some can be used during foreplay, others during intercourse to heighten intensity or allow you to stimulate more areas of the body. Sex toys aren’t a replacement for your partnered sex life – they’re an exciting (and often useful) addition.”

Can you give us a few examples?
“If you need a little extra help with your erection (maybe if you’ve had a few drinks), the Hot Octopuss Pulse Duo can be a great addition to foreplay and potentially enhance penetrative sex afterwards. If your partner takes less or more time than you to climax, then a vibrator can even that up a little. And if your partnered sex life is excellent already, adding a sex toy can still spice up your lovemaking, giving you some extra sensation and variety.”

And you say they can lead to better orgasms?
“Toys can deliver a lot more stimulation than hands or mouths and therefore the orgasms achieved can be much more powerful. In fact, some people can experience multiple orgasms with toys that they can’t through manual or partner sex. High-tech penis toys (like the Hot Octopuss Pulse and Jett) work with carefully engineered vibration frequencies to give you highly customizable and intense sensations you couldn’t get any other way.”

How do you broach the subject with your other half?
“If it’s something you’ve never talked about before, it can be intimidating. Have a think about why you want to bring a toy into the bedroom – is it because you’re unhappy with your sex life and think sex toys might improve it? Is it because you have a specific issue (such as erectile dysfunction) that toys could help with? Do you already use sex toys privately and want to see what they could do for your partnered sex life? Or are you just curious and excited about the possibilities of sex tech? All of those reasons are fine, but each probably needs a different approach. If you’re generally unhappy with your sex life, your partner will probably pick that up, and might feel threatened by the idea of bringing a sex toy into the mix. So perhaps the conversation should focus more on how you’re both feeling about your sex life together, what you enjoy and what you would each like to try. Try to listen to what your partner says as much as talking about what you want, because if you’re unhappy they probably are too. If it’s a specific problem you want to tackle, talk honestly about that and then mention the sex toy as a possible solution. The key is to make sure you bring the subject up at a time when you’re both feeling relaxed and have the headspace to have an honest conversation – never bring it up after bad sex or during an argument.”


“Toys can deliver a lot more stimulation than hands or mouths and therefore the orgasms achieved can be much more powerful."

What kinds of toys are good for first-timers if you’re in a relationship?
“A small and discreet ‘bullet’ vibrator is a good place to start. You can use it on your partner’s clitoris during penetrative sex, to amp up sensations and bring her to orgasm. Many women can’t orgasm without clitoral stimulation; if that’s the case, this can be a game-changer for your sex life. Another good beginners’ option is a vibrating cock ring like the Hot Octopuss Atom, which is ergonomically shaped to bring you both pleasure during intercourse.”
Will a vibrator desensitise women to the real thing?
“Some people, whatever their gender, seem to find certain types of vibration (often at the more intense and ‘buzzy’ end of the spectrum) can lead to a level of temporary desensitisation if used a lot. A vibrator is highly unlikely to permanently desensitise you, though: like any enjoyable activity, if you do it a lot, you’ll probably get used to it, and taking a break or changing it up is a good idea.”

What about toys for solo use?“If you’re new to the feeling of vibrations on your penis, something like the Hot Octopuss Jett allows you to experiment with different sensations to find out what you enjoy most as it has two customisable vibrators attached to it. Similarly, the Hot Octopuss Pocket Pulse is a vibrating sheath to turbo-charge your stroking action. There are also several products designed to mimic the sensation of oral sex: AutoBlow, the Venus and Fleshlight range are some of the bestsellers.” 
Any tips for feeling less awkward about using toys?
“It’s a massive shame there’s still so much stigma around masturbation, orgasming and sex toys. Given that most people enjoy and want masturbation and partnered sex, it shouldn’t be a source of embarrassment, and neither should it be considered shameful to use products that improve the experience. We think of them as tools rather than toys – tools to help you enjoy a great sex life. Sexual pleasure and orgasm is scientifically proven to be good for your physical and mental health and productivity, while sex with a partner is really important for many people in a good, loving relationship. Being able to explore each other’s sexual pleasure together should never feel embarrassing and, if it does, all the more reason to work on this.”

*Features published by SLMan are not intended to treat, diagnose, cure or prevent any disease. Always seek the advice of your GP or another qualified healthcare provider for any questions you have regarding a medical condition, and before undertaking any diet, exercise or other health-related programmes.

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