The Secrets To A Better Sex Life

The Secrets To A Better Sex Life


A recent survey showed more than half of British adults feel their sex lives are in desperate need of a boost. Nearly a fifth of couples have sex less than once a month, with 20% saying they never speak about sex with their partner. Whether you’re stuck in a long-term rut or going through a dry spell on the singles scene, sex therapist Kate Moyle, might be able to help…

With 28% of British adults keen to have sex in unusual places and 22% interested in role play, it’s clear we’re ready to experiment, but where to start? “Every time you have sex, change just one thing,” advises Moyle. “Whether it’s the room you’re having sex in, with or without lube, including intercourse or not, or introducing a sex toy or position. This will help you from getting stuck in a sexual routine, which can be a real passion killer. Remember sex is about experiencing pleasure – if something doesn’t work, just laugh it off and try something different. There shouldn’t be pressure on sex for it be a performance.”


“When you shut one sense down, your body instinctively sharpens the others,” says Moyle. “Your senses are free and available for you to play with. Shutting one down – for example, using a blindfold – can really add a different element to your sex life.” Using a blindfold during sex may give you 50 Shades vibes, but sensory deprivation can really help to build arousal and sexual excitement. Just be sure to set some ground rules, and make sure you’re both comfortable with the idea and respectful of boundaries throughout the experience.


Moyle believes the key to a great sex life is open communication. Statistics show 29% of couples rarely or never speak to their other half about what’s going on in the bedroom. “Communication can be really challenging for couples as it’s something we aren’t taught in school, but it’s a real life skill. My top tip? Always start with a positive and have the conversations outside the sexual space. Instead of assuming what your partner is thinking, ask them. It’s really easy to slip into the habit of assuming, and often your assumptions aren’t the truth.”


Try banning penetrative sex, suggests Moyle. “Instead, refocus your attention on touch, pleasure and sensuality rather than having intercourse as the only goal. This can help you to explore each other’s bodies more and get to know each other in a different way. For a sexual experience to be enjoyable, it doesn’t have to include intercourse. Non-penetrative sex can be just as pleasurable for both parties.”


Instead of sending generic messages throughout the day, try adding some sex to your texts by revisiting a time when you had amazing sex and reminding yourselves what was so good about it. “This is a great way to think about the dynamics that can be helpful in your sex life and how to bring them back. A flirty text can help to increase anticipation and desire, and will refocus attention onto that playful side of your relationship,” says Moyle.


Recognising the importance of physical intimacy, rather than just sexual intimacy, can have a huge impact on your relationship. Even when you’re not having sex, you can still improve your sex life by using touch in an intimate, but not sexual, way. “Humans are neurobiologically primed to connect with others, but we need to invite and be receptive to those opportunities,” explains Moyle. “Get into the habit of hugging and kissing more, especially when you leave in the morning and get home at night. Make those hugs, kisses and displays of affection last a minimum of ten seconds.”

Research carried out by digital health clinic, Numan. For more information, visit


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