The Secrets Of The Female Orgasm

The Secrets Of The Female Orgasm


The female orgasm can seem elusive, but it’s absolutely achievable once you know how. From an anatomy 101 to the importance of slowing things down, the experts told us what to remember…

Understand The Orgasm Gap

“The orgasm gap refers to the well-researched fact that, when women and men have sex together, the rate at which women orgasm is significantly less than men. Men reliably orgasm 95% of the time during partnered sex and women just 65% of the time – there is a real assumption that the male orgasm is an ‘essential’ and the woman’s is ‘nice to have’. The orgasm gap widens further in casual sex, where women can expect to orgasm around 16% of the time compared to men’s 95%.” – Karen Gurney, Harley Street psycho-sexologist

Know The Stats

“According to a recent study, it takes approximately 14 minutes for a woman to orgasm when having partnered sex and eight minutes during masturbation. Women are slow burners because of a more complex sexual anatomy and the different way the female brain is wired. Studies also show women need an average of 20 minutes of foreplay to become sexually aroused. In a nutshell, the slower the better, which is why foreplay, edging and oral sex before penetration are a no-brainer when it comes to priming for pleasure.” – Megwyn White, certified clinical sexologist & director of education, Satisfyer

It's All About The Clitoris

“Remember there’s more to sex than penetration. The majority of women can’t orgasm from vaginal stimulation without any additional direct or indirect stimulation of the clitoris. All orgasms are related to the stimulation of the clitoral complex in some way or another, either externally through touch to the glans of the clitoris, or internally via internal stimulation of the clitoris through the vaginal wall, an area sometimes referred to as the ‘G spot’. How most women masturbate – through external touch to the clitoris – gives us a good idea of the usual routes to orgasm for women. However, the female orgasm comes down to a complex combination of the physical and the emotional. It’s normal for a woman not to have an orgasm if she’s distracted by other thoughts and worries.” – Karen

There’s More To It Than What You See

“Nearly 70% of women need some form of clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm, and it’s vital to recognise that the clitoris plays a role in all orgasms. The clitoris is the most sensitive pleasure organ in the body with 8,000 pressure-sensitive nerves concentrated in the clitoral glans alone, which is the part of the clitoris you can see. It’s also an internal organ that lies just beneath the surface, flanking the vaginal canal and stretching up to five inches inside the body. The clitoris is made of erectile tissues that become engorged in the same way that the penis does, and what is often referred to as the G-spot is actually the area where the clitoris meets the vaginal canal along with another very sensitive area called the urethral sponge. Understanding the location of the clitoris makes it far easier to stimulate it – either directly or indirectly.” – Megwyn

Don’t Forget The Erogenous Zones

“Every orgasm is clitoral, but there are different layers, and there are many erogenous zones that can unlock new experiences. Ultimately, each of the body’s sensual nerves interconnects at the clitoris. There’s nothing stopping you from trying new types of stimulation, positions and introducing pleasure products into the mix, as this can expand the body’s ability to hold new experiences.” – Megwyn

"Women are slow burners because of a more complex sexual anatomy and the different way the female brain is wired."

Try A Different Position

“Study after study agrees that cowgirl (woman on top) results in stronger and longer-lasting orgasms for women. As long as she’s not prone to UTIs, this position is a great opportunity for her to grind her clitoris on your pelvis, which can result in an orgasm. Many women find doggy style (especially if they get down low on their elbows) to be conducive to G-spot stimulation. It also makes it convenient for the woman to manually stimulate her clitoris during penetration, which for many is the perfect combination for sending her over the edge.” – Julia Margo, co-founder, Hot Octopuss

Slow Things Down

“Did you know that a woman can stimulate her clitoris just by breathing deeply? To be able to experience an orgasm, a woman needs to be able to relax and slow down their breath in order to deepen pleasure and get out of her cognitive mind. If a woman breathes deeply and exhales slowly, this can activate the pelvic-floor muscles, which also house the clitoris and support engorgement. Sensual conscious breath combined with anticipation and excitement can take her over the edge. So remember it’s not always about more touch or friction; sometimes it’s about holding back in a conscious way to allow her to feel her excitement. Experimenting with edging – i.e. slowing things down and expanding sensations through conscious touch – can help.” – Megwyn

Master Oral Sex

“While there’s no guarantee a woman will orgasm with oral sex, it can help. The first thing to remember is that it may take time, so when you decide to explore oral, take the goal of orgasm off the table. Instead, focus on a slow and steady relaxation and build. If what you are doing is working, stick with it. This is the number-one mistake men make when giving oral – as you explore a particular area and her body responds in pleasure, it’s easy to get carried away and adjust your technique, but this isn’t the best approach. When your partner starts to express pleasure, get grounded and stay the course.” – Megwyn

Learn The Language

“I often tell my clients that when they are in a sexual partnership, they are co-creating an erotic language that has the potential to become more fluent and evolved with time. Making a conscious effort to explore and create these erotic cues can go a long way in any sexual play. For example, if she speaks or moans in lower tones, that means she wants you to go slow and stay with what you’re doing, while higher tones might mean she’s reaching her peak. The more erotically fluent you become together, the better.” – Megwyn

Multiple Orgasms Can Happen

“Studies suggest around 47% of women have had multiple orgasms, but most women have the potential to be multi-orgasmic. Recent research shows it comes down to a combination of developing your relationship, learning how to pleasure your partner, developing communication strategies and being open to learning together. I advise my clients to have a masturbation practice as a couple (i.e. mutual masturbation), which is one of the best ways to learn from each other. Another time-tested way to support desire is to learn about each other’s fantasies. Our fantasies evolve as we sexually evolve so they won’t always stay the same, but there tends to be areas of intersection and exploring them can bridge you to the erotic mind, a key facet to unlocking orgasm.” – Megwyn

Forget The Sex Olympics

“It doesn’t take Olympic-level ‘sexcapades’ to help your partner climax, But being proficient in various kinds of orgasm can be a big help. When her clitoris is too sensitive, consider turning to the G-spot, nipples or anal stimulation. If you are working with foreplay before penetration, consider saving clitoral stimulation for the grand finale, as many women find this orgasm can be more intense than others.” – Julia  


Mind The Gap: The Truth About Desire And How To Futureproof Your Sex Life by Dr Karen Gurney (RRP £14.99, Headline) is out now. Also check out and

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