What To Expect When She’s Expecting

Understand The Hormonal Changes

“Hormones are at the centre of all the physical and emotional changes a woman experiences in pregnancy. In the first trimester, levels of oestrogen and progesterone soar to protect the pregnancy and support the development of the embryo, but these high levels of hormones also result in symptoms like morning sickness (which, despite the name, can happen any time of day or night), aching breasts, constipation, a whole new level of exhaustion, and heightened emotions. This stage can be hard for you, too, as you may be caught off guard by how different your partner may seem and how much she is struggling. Your support and validation of her feelings and symptoms here is crucial.”

Make Life Easier For Her

“Hormones can change her mood throughout pregnancy, making her more sensitive to things that wouldn’t ordinarily bother her. Be ready to listen to her concerns, and equally talk to her about your feelings, but also try to put yourself in her shoes. Help more with jobs around the house, and ask your partner what she is finding tricky – for example, many women have an aversion to cooking smells, so taking on the responsibility of preparing meals can be a huge help.”

Prepare For The Third Trimester

“By the third trimester, things start to get real, and her bump will be growing by the day. As lovely and reassuring as this is, it also comes with tired and swollen legs and feet, heartburn, constipation, piles, broken sleep and pelvic girdle pain. Chances are you’re both feeling excitement and apprehension in equal measure at this stage – be open with her about your feelings, and listen and validate hers without trying to ‘fix’ them. Make this last leg of the journey smoother by massaging her feet in the evening, keeping her well fed and watered, and helping her get comfy in bed, accepting this may mean you moving to the spare room or sofa.”

Support Her In Healthy Decisions

“Encourage a healthy diet for both of you, delve into new cookbooks and create colourful, nutritious meals from scratch, and create a new habit of going on an evening or weekend walk together. Or find her a local pregnancy yoga class and make it easy for her to be able to attend it regularly. Do more around the house, too – ask her what would help take stress off her. Remember it’s her carrying the baby, and her bodily autonomy must be honoured and respected at all times.”

Be A Great Birth Partner

“Preparation is everything if you’re going to be a birth partner. Get involved in everything related to the pregnancy including antenatal appointments and classes, and knowing what your partner’s plans and wishes are regarding birth. The more you know, the better. Plus, the more knowledge you have if things don’t go to plan, the more confident you will feel about supporting your partner’s wishes when you know what alternative options are being offered. Remember you are a vital member of the team, but if your understanding is limited to TV, films or the description of a friend’s experience, then you may be surprised about just how different birth can be. Time spent talking to your partner as well as to other parents-to-be is important in helping you grasp the role of birth partner: as advocate, cheerleader and protector of your loved one and your baby.”

Get Organised For The Weeks After Birth

“There is often an overfocus on the birth and not enough preparation for the recovery period and the realities of life with a newborn. Explore this during pregnancy and plan with friends and family how you would like to be supported. Often, a lovely homemade meal is far more helpful and appreciated than a bunch of flowers or a box of chocolates when you’re busy learning about and responding to your newborn’s needs. Don’t be afraid to ask family and friends to organise a ‘meal train’ for the first few weeks and create a WhatsApp group for the support squad, and let friends and family know not to visit without a prior invite, and to cancel calling in if they are unwell.”

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