It’s easy to pretend the pressure of looking good only affects teenagers. But it goes beyond scrolling through photos of attractive people in their swimwear on social media. In reality, everyone compares themselves with others, whether based on looks or success. Growing up, my biggest insecurity was my skin. I had acne and underwent three rounds of Roaccutane. It was difficult, and I still deal with the scarring today. Issues with your skin or hair can really affect how you feel about yourself, because that’s what people see first. Through my work with Hair + Me in support of Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month, I’ve learned how deep appearance anxieties can run. One man I spoke to worried people would think he was less capable at work because he was losing his hair. I can understand his train of thought: if you look good and well groomed, you’ll likely be someone who cares about their job, right? It’s an upsetting thought, that you might be judged by your hair. The truth is, I still care about how I look. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t bother having my hair cut or wearing nice clothes. I think it’s fine to have pride in your appearance, but when it gets to the point where you’re beating yourself up over imperfections, that’s when you know it’s gone too far.  

I’m not perfect, but I do practise what I preach. Over the years, I’ve become better at compartmentalising and separating my work as a campaigner from my own mental health. To decompress and maintain good mental fitness, I actually do most of the things I suggest to others. The goal shouldn’t be the absence of illness but the presence of good health. You can have a takeaway, enjoy chocolate, you’re going to have days where you don’t want to exercise – that’s fine. But 80% of the time, I exercise daily, whether that’s the gym, walking, lifting weights or running – it doesn’t always have to be intense. I also go to therapy, talk to people about my emotions, and do a lot of reading and self-improvement work as well as engaging in my hobbies.  

If you’re wanting to improve your life, resist the temptation to jump to action. I think it’s better first to take stock of your situation with a life audit. It’s as simple as taking a blank piece of paper and writing down a list of things you care about, whether that’s your job, best friend, partner, health, running, playing the piano, eating well, anything that springs to mind. Give yourself a one to ten rating based on how well you feel each section is currently going. From there you can assess what things you might need to add to your life versus what you need to take away. For example, if you’re drinking too much alcohol and feeling depressed and your relationships are challenging, going for a run is great but you’re missing the big, obvious thing that you need to do to get yourself unstuck. My brother took his life five years ago, which had a huge knock on my happiness and health, and a couple of years later I found myself in a difficult place with grief and depression, drinking to numb the pain. Only after I stopped drinking did I eventually get into a routine of walking every morning. Next I added in lifting weights, eating better and therapy. When you’re feeling rubbish, the urge is to change everything all at once, but if you want to stick to it, it’s more realistic to make gradual changes.